Time to sink or swim :)

     Last week was my second treatment, but first full treatment since I had so many complications with the first one, and boy did it knock my socks off!!!! It was brutal!!!!  I was so so sick and so so exhausted and really felt blue.   Food tastes yucky!!! Soup is about the only thing I can eat and thank you Shelley and Mindy for making me delicious soups!!!!!
     I had to start back to work this week.  After 23 yrs of working for my company I had only 90 days of FMLA and If I return after that my hire date starts over and I lose all of my benefits.  So I am back at work which I am happy about, I have missed it and all of my clients,  I just hope I can maintain an average of 30 hours a week or I lose my benefits anyway.  My plan is to work as much as possible on my good week and bare minimum on my bad week.  Just take one day at a time I guess. 

replacing the porta cath

     I went and finished the treatments on day 3 and they unhooked me,  they decided to skip one of the fanny packs at home since I would have been on chemo for 4 days instead of 3.
Thursday I met with surgeon and we set up the surgery for yesterday, Friday the 11th. I was so nervous cuz now having done it before, I knew what to expect.  It went ok,  even though I had a pic line they still put a IV in cuz they don't like to use the pic line!  more needles crazy huh!!!
   I felt horrible from the chemo on top of it all.  They put me completely out with a tube down my throat this time.  I feel like I was beat up today.  sore from the bottom of my lungs to the top of my neck.  but I am glad to have it over.
     I also want to thank my family and friends for helping me and being with me every step of the way.  I know how hard it is to see someone you love hurt and struggle and it makes emotions high.  I know that Each and everyone of my family members love me and I hope that they can stand together in this process of  the fight for my life.  I am so blessed with such a wonderful family immediate and extended.  and I couldn't ask for better friends.  My dad gave me a beautiful blessing last night my Father in Heaven told me I was doing what I needed to do to return to Health and that I need to ask for His help when I feel I cant cope with the pain and that I would find that the power of prayer was stronger than any medicine could be.  That I would feel relief immediately.  The doctors are being guided in my care and will know what to do throughout this process. and that  I have received many blessings and I have many in store.  He also promised that my body would return to health after this whole process is done... I couldn't ask for a better blessing from my Father in Heaven.  He loves me so much and I felt the Love from him and those that surrounded me.  I am very blessed and I felt So much better afterward.  I was feeling pretty discouraged and couldn't imagine doing this for 6 months.  I was feeling overwhelmed physically, emotionally and my body was tired and I felt week.  I really needed that blessing and my friends and families love :)  I am blessed

day 2 Chemo

      I go in the next morning to have the blood clot taken care off.  They tell me that the clot can not be removed and even if they did the port wouldn't last for the whole 6 months so I need it replaced.  The last thing I  want to hear!!!  So then they tell me they will be putting a Pic line in my arm so I can finish my first round of Chemo.
      It was very traumatic to me!  I can't believe what I have faced so far in this journey.  It was very painful and just grossed me out.  They insert a wire into you vein and push it up the vein and into the heart.  He kept telling me how tiny my veins were,  not helping, then they were debating on the placement in the heart!!! Seriously people!!! I finally yelled they thought I was joking but I was freaking out.
      After the placement I went back to get the second day of Chemo.  It was much better through the pic line it.  They sent me home with the fanny pack of chemo for 22 hrs.  Nights have been the worse it makes me feel very restless and antsy and nausea and my legs ached, food tastes gross and a very high sensitivity to cold,  I have to have gloves on to take items out of the fridge, I can't have ice or eat or drink cold foods, it's uncomfortable and even painful its a trip.

   

day 1 chemo

So my first chemo didn't go so well.  Monday March 7th at 9:30 am I went in for my first treatment at first it seemed everything was going well.  They couldn't get any blood draw back from my port but It seemed to be working ok. I experience strange feelings and it tastes so so bad, like I am sucking on a nickle.  I was getting pain in my neck and they were concerned the port had slipped out of my heart where it was supposed to be, so they sent me for an X-ray it showed it was in place, so they began the infusion again.  Soon it started hurting my neck again so they stopped and sent me to get a CAT scan that showed a blood clot and that the placement was too high in my neck which was forcing the chemo up my juggler instead of into my heart.  I finally left from the first day @ 6 pm and they were unable to complete the first days infusion.  They scheduled a procedure called a clot buster for the next morning but I had to do it in radiology where they could monitor with CT scans because it was not just a blood clot but a cone shaped fibroid sheath...whatever that means! 
  

California or bust

     So the day after I got home from visiting Lynette in Phoenix I had a doc appt to see how my porta cath was healing.  It looked fine, other than the nasty blisters I got all around it,  turns out I'm allergic to the tape.  I scheduled my chemo... we had a week before that, so we decided to go to California that afternoon.  It was a fun, quick 5 days but it was fun to go with Tony and relax and go where it's warm and go to the ocean, one of my favorite places in the whole world to be.
     It was NASCAR when I was in Phoenix, and NASCAR in Vegas too lol.... Phoenix was ok, but that just meant  there were no hotel rooms in the Vegas area!!! lol who knew :)  I am glad we went, I wish we could go a little longer but I am happy we got away for a minute.
     I start my chemo treatments tomorrow I am very nervous about it.  The thought of poison slowly dripping into my body really creeps me out.  And the side effects that is unknown until you start too.  I like to know what to expect and all of the details, but it's such an individual thing when it comes to chemo.  They told me I will have a metallic taste in my mouth while I am on the chemo so I have stalked up on mints and gum. 

Got to sqeeze in some fun!!!

     Last weekend I spent in Phoenix with my best friend  Lynette at her beautiful home.  We can just be ourselves and say whatever comes to mind, in fact we can read each others thoughts most of the time.  The weather was wonderful compared to Utah, and we just enjoyed each other and Laughed and cried and laughed and talked just like old times!!! I miss her soo much and it's been hard for her to not be able to be with me in person while I have gone through this cancer stuff,  but she has been there for me the whole time!!! We lived together through most of our 20s and we sure had A LOT of fun and a little trouble lol...I miss those days sometimes but we will be forever bonded and soul sisters :)  Thank you Lynette and Randy for a fun relaxed few days, next time I need to stay longer.