the diagnosis

     Today is the 3rd day of Feb a Thursday I think.  The last few weeks I don't know the day of the week, or the date.  Unless I have a doctors appt.  that's all the responsibilities I have had since the middle of Jan.  That and paperwork and forms, hoping for medical aid, since my health insurance is more of a discount card, IDK how they can even call it insurance.  But it will work out.  I can't spend my energy on that right now.  Thank God for my little sister Carrie she has taken care of most of that for me.
     I feel like the last 3 weeks have been a crazy bad dream.  I started to notice blood in my stool 3 days before Christmas.  I had been feeling run down and tired and like I had a touch of the stomach flu.  But there was more and more blood and it was not fresh and I knew it wasn't good.  Finally after much urging from Tony, my friends and family.  Especially my dear friend Lynette, I knew I could not talk to her again until I had an appt!!   I made an appt. for Jan 6th @ Dr. Lowes Office.  My friend Shelley went with me,  the doctor told me it sounded like Colitis But I needed to do a Colonoscopy  on the 12th.
     Tony and I had planned to go to Vegas for the CES show so we decided to go anyway and I would start the prep for the test while in Mesquite, then drive home the night before the test. I was sick with the flu and pretty miserable so I stayed in the motel most of the time, but it was nice and I enjoyed it.  The prep wasn't bad at all, I even fell asleep during it!  ha ha ha but I could not eat any food, liquid diet only.
     The day of the test Tony and Shelley went with me.  I wasn't real nervous about the test.  It was the first time I had even had an IV ever!!! that I didn't like, I don't do so good with needles, but I was brave.  They took me back I got on the table the doctor came and talked to me briefly and they asked me to roll on my side as they gave me the meds to knock me out....only it didn't work so well.  I was aware of the pain and I heard myself moaning finally I woke up completely during the procedure!!! I looked up at the nurse by my head and told her "your guys' drugs suck!" she said oh honey are you awake?  I said um yeah!! and thats the last I remember until I woke up when they were done with tears streaming down my cheeks.  I saw Tony and told him that they had hurt me.  A nurse came by and told me she woke up during hers too and how awful it was.  Tony Shelley and I were in the recovery room and the doctor came in and told me I had cancer.  The tumor was of significant size and he was going to see if I could have surgery that day to remove it!!! he walked out and I started to cry I was angry and in shock so were Tony and Shelley.  How could this be possible?  F@*# cancer!! F@*# that!!! are you F@#*$% kidding me!!! was my reaction.  Shelley said yep that's my Shell you are going to be just fine.